<!-- m --><a class="postlink" href="http://downloads.orcishweb.com/koraxdev/koraxrpg/korax-heritage_fragment.pdf">http://downloads.orcishweb.com/koraxdev ... agment.pdf</a><!-- m --> I don't even remember who wrote this, but it has been most probably 5+ years.

Heh, must be a prologue to SE. Sorry to say, but I think it's very poorly written: so wordy that I just can't get interested in it. <!-- s:? --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_confused.gif" alt=":?" title="Confused" /><!-- s:? --> Amazing what's buried in the Kdev. <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) -->

Poorly written??? <!-- s:shock: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_eek.gif" alt=":shock:" title="Shocked" /><!-- s:shock: --> That sounds very unjust. Man, I'll have to read this with dictionary <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) --> Anyway, what is this text was intended to be used for?

I don't remember. <!-- s:( --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_sad.gif" alt=":(" title="Sad" /><!-- s:( -->

LOL 4th the word "poor" goes to you then, I just read it and while I don't like it that much, it's written pretty well in late 19th/early 20th century style. If you don't like this, probably you don't like the original Krull and Conan stories either - those are pretty "wordy" as well.

[quote="RambOrc":3qkyj0y9]LOL 4th the word "poor" goes to you then, I just read it and while I don't like it that much, it's written pretty well in late 19th/early 20th century style. If you don't like this, probably you don't like the original Krull and Conan stories either - those are pretty "wordy" as well. I strongly disagree 100%. By "wordy," I don't mean it's too long (Hell I LOVE Lord of the Rings, and Atlas Shrugged, both at around 1000 pages)... I mean that the author uses so many words to formulate his ideas and sentences, that they become jarbled and lack a LOT of coherency. Part of being a skilled writer is being able to portray specific imagery with unambiguous diction. Check some of these awful excerpts from the passage:

A gauntlet gripped the craved handle of his axe tightly, raising it above his head as he roared his defiance.

Gauntlets are inanimate objects. This would have been MUCH more effective and emotional if, instead of the gauntlet himself, the man WEARING it did the action.

Gnashing and grunting echoed in his ears, the unholy wails raised as he crashed into them, the lightning glow of his enchanted weapon cleaving from gizzard to crotch.

How can you crash into sound? Furthermore, "cleave" may not be the best word to use here. O yes, and while I always hated Grammar class, this is really a random run-on sentence.

A shield barged towards him, yet he swerved aside to pull it further forward, the twisted wrench of his axe mangling an inhuman face.

Again, not very efficient. Takes too many rereads to get the jist of what's going on, while a brilliant writer like Tolkien or Charlotte Bronte constructed sentences in such a way that you get the exact meaning of it from just the first read.

The grind of stone alerted him to the opening of a door...

This is so bad that it's hilarious. <!-- s:lol: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_lol.gif" alt=":lol:" title="Laughing" /><!-- s:lol: -->

(After Korax' evil monologue) In reply, the axe that he held was cast aside to clatter on the floor, and he walked as a man condemned into the threshold of Korax, Serpent Rider. ... Then, as all seemed lost, his hand tightened of the hilt on a sword to draw it with the whisper of metal.

Where'd this sword magically appear from? And maybe replace "into" with "by." Argh so many things wrong with this text! <!-- s:x --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_mad.gif" alt=":x" title="Mad" /><!-- s:x -->

I don't have time to pick at it all, just one example: he didn't write anything about crashing into sound, with "them" he meant the foes. IMO it's clear at first read of the sentence. <!-- s:P --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s:P --> Anyway the writer of this is long gone so there won't be any more either way.

I liked this fragment, there are some words I don't even understand, even when my English level is high, heh! <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) --> I think it's a nice story, but I don't think we want to be that elaborated to write the RPG story, right? It would be nice to have a story, sure, but not so elaborated IMO.

[quote="The 4th Class":3o3zlqm3]

A gauntlet gripped the craved handle of his axe tightly, raising it above his head as he roared his defiance.

Gauntlets are inanimate objects. This would have been MUCH more effective and emotional if, instead of the gauntlet himself, the man WEARING it did the action. Strangely, if translated to russian for example (even literally), this does make sense. [quote="The 4th Class":3o3zlqm3] Takes too many rereads to get the jist of what's going on, Heh, it took me a couple of rereads maximal, and not too often,... and I am not a native english speaker <!-- s:) --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_smile.gif" alt=":)" title="Smile" /><!-- s:) --> And I think I understood what was depicted there rather well. <!-- s:roll: --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_rolleyes.gif" alt=":roll:" title="Rolling Eyes" /><!-- s:roll: --> I agree that this text feels heavy, but there are different styles in literature after all.

Yes, a gauntlet can grip something (as long as it is meant as a piece of clothing/armor worn on your hands and not as a physical punishment <!-- s:P --><img src="{SMILIES_PATH}/icon_razz.gif" alt=":P" title="Razz" /><!-- s:P -->), gloves do have a grip. As for FB's question, I don't plan on writing such a story for the game at all, but something like this could be put at the beginning of the game manual, some games do that.